Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
