One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
