Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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