A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
