after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize