i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
