oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
PANTIES FOUND
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