don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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