I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we're making bets on your personal life
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
