I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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