I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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