never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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