Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
