i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
