I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
