Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
