I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
