I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
