We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
