i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
