what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
