i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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