you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
