If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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