This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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