Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
