Got a toothbrush?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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