he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize