if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
