Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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