Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
