Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
