Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
