can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
