I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
