thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
