Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That accounts for only three of the penises
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
