I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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