That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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