haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
