I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
