I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
