Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
