Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
