Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
