So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
