my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
