Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
