It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize