i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
