All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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