my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
