You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
