You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
