May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we're making bets on your personal life
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Boobs speak an international language.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
