My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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