have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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