I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
