i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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