none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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