I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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