actually, I'm a sock model
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize