I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just google imaged poop.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
