Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
