Me. At least after what I've been through.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
soo... how was my night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize