I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
