ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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