is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
