Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
