I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
