Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize